otherhalf, please learn this

baby..this is so us. this is wad we need to learn and know. dun resist to learn. becos im learning as well..

One of the biggest differences b/w men and women is how they cope with stress.
men become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved.
at these times, a man's needs for feeling good are different from a woman's.
he feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about the problems.
to her, sharing problems with another actuallu is considered a sign of love and trust and not a burden.
she is not ashamed of having problems.
not understanding and accepting these differences creates unnecessary friction in a relationship.

how men react when women need to talk (otherhalf, look at this. and reflect on us)

when women talk about problems, men usually resist. a man assumes she is talking with him about her problems becos she is holding him responsible. The more problems, he feels blamed. he does not realise that she is talking to feel better. a man doesn know that she wil appreciate it if he just listens.

men talk about problems for only two reasons:
they are blaming someone or they are seeking advice.
if a woman is really upset, a man assumes she is blaming him. if she seems less upset, then he assumes she is asking for advice.

if he assumes she is asking for advice, then he puts on his MR fix-it hat to solve her problems. if he assumes she is blaming him, then he draws his swrod to protect himself from attack. in both cases, he soon finds it difficult to listen and they find it difficult to communicate.

when a man feels attacked, he begins to defend himself. he thinks that if he explains himself, she will stop blaming him.
however, turns out to be more upset she becomes.
he doesn realise that explanations are not what she needs.
she needs him to understand her feelings and let her move on to talk about more problems.

each man found peace of mind when he finally understood that a woman's need to talk about her problem was not becos he was failing her in some way.
a man learned that once a woman feels heard, she stop dwelling on her problems and becomes very positive.

baby..this is one so big problem of us. i always feel that u got the wrong meaning of what i say. and yet i dunno how to explain what is wrong. and amazingly, i come across this little knowledge which is so true and can speak it all for me. i just need u to listen, understand and emphatize. now you that whatever i said to u before, im not blaming u nor letting u feel useless. this is communication. it is not inborne. it has to be learnt and practice. and lets start learning now..

when ever u are out with ur friends or work or wad and when im free, i will look for all these information on how to improve our relationship. i cherish this rs as much as u do. so im doin a lot of reading to find out how to communicate with you better and lessen the frictions between us.

im not looking for a bf now. and i duwan a bf now. im looking for a man whom i can rely and trust on and spend the rest of my life with me. and now, i know why i cant get what i want from you.

becos u are still, just a boyfriend.